This is a monthly column by Dr. Zahra Bardai in which she guides our path to well-being

Connecting the generations can sometimes seem daunting.  Every cohort has its own profile, from the Veterans and Baby Boomers to Generation X, Y, and Z.  Ironically, each generation has the feeling that the others are out of touch with reality. Yet despite different attitudes and challenges, there are some unifying conditions that underscore our similarities.

As human beings we all have certain life tasks that guide us through the life cycle.  Universal experiences that most of us share include infancy, childhood, and adolescence, with the shift between dependence on our primary caregivers to independence.  Then comes the quest for career and adult role development, as well as the search for meaning in our lives.  This is usually followed by the desire to impart the lessons learned from our own experiences to the next generation before making peace with ourselves and the world around us.

Of course there are natural deviations, sometimes of our own making and sometimes due to the circumstances of our society. War in the early and mid part of the last century shaped the baby boomers. Free love, social activism, and liberation influenced the shift in morality and values seen in the later part of the last century, while the tail end of the last century tried to blend new models of capitalism and manage a new kind of financial crisis. It is believed that these changes in the last century lead to the so-called lost generation — left adrift in the aftermath of a tumultuous century. Added to this has been the explosion of innovation and advances in technology, health, and education. Is it any wonder that the current generations have difficulty understanding each other?

As in any other area, understanding differences comes hand in hand with accepting and displaying tolerance for these differences. Differences need not necessarily be a point of contention. Diversity of thought, extrapolation of experiential wisdom coupled with innovative and fresh ideas can lead to positive interactions and personal growth. One of the key ways to bridge the generational gap is through mentoring; the establishment of a bidirectional, one-on-one relationship fostered on mutual strength-building and encouragement. A constructive mentoring association is based on attentive listening, communication, and authenticity; in other words, building a relationship on honesty of thought and action. Sweeping generalizations involving the “disrespectful young” or the “obsolete elderly” are not only untrue, but are also deleterious in building harmony within the generations. Spending time and coupling generations in adopt-a-grandparent type programs whereby youth and seniors spend time building personal relationships can strengthen and foster qualities such as consideration and thoughtfulness.

The world can be a scary place, but it can also be filled with laughter and caring.  Wisdom imparted, new skills taught and learned through generational harmony can only be a win-win affair, providing for a brighter future.

Lindsay Holley, an at-home chef getting her hands dirty in the kitchen with simple, classic meals tries new recipes each month and shares them with you.

Barbeque season is upon us and there’s nothing like serving something hot off the grill with a cool, refreshing salad on the side. I started making my own salad dressing a couple of years ago and I couldn’t believe how easy it was! I haven’t gone back to store-bought since. This sweet-and-sour salad dressing is like nothing you’ll find in a grocery store, but all the ingredients are readily accessible.

If you can, make the dressing a few hours in advance, or even the day before serving as the flavours really meld together when left out. Just remember to shake the jar every few hours to make sure the oil and vinegar don’t separate while the flavours are blending.

Orange Almond Salad

Serves 6

Ingredients

• 1 large head romaine lettuce
• fresh orange pieces or 11 oz tin drained mandarin orange segments
• 1/4 cup sliced almonds, toasted

Sweet-and-sour dressing:

• 1/2 cup tarragon wine vinegar
• 1 tsp tarragon leaves
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/8 tsp black pepper
• 3 tsp sugar
• 1/2 tsp Dijon mustard
• 1 cup vegetable oil

Directions

• Wash and dry the lettuce and break into bite-sized pieces. Add the oranges and almonds and toss.
• To make the dressing: place tarragon leaves, salt, pepper, sugar, and Dijon mustard into small mixing bowl. Using a wire whisk, beat the vinegar into the spices until thoroughly mixed. Slowly add oil. Continue whisking until the oil is completely blended and the dressing is a light creamy colour.
• Let the dressing sit in the fridge for at least 30 minutes to allow the flavours to blend (overnight is even better). It will separate, so needs to be shaken before pouring.
• Place salads on plates and sprinkle with dressing

**Note, this will make a large quantity of dressing; you’ll only use about a quarter for a whole head of romaine. Keep the rest refrigerated for up to a month.

In this monthly column, DiDi LeMay shares adventures from her busy life in the exciting multicultural city of Toronto.

Road Trip

It was the perfect day for a road trip. Last Sunday, I rented a car and off we went — Rosie, my Goldendoodle, and I. We were invited to visit the breeder where my precious Rosie was born. This was the day we were going back to her roots.  My country bumpkin turned city slicker.

The day was beautiful, the sun shining in a cloudless sky. There was an excited hustle and bustle in the air — I was not the only one who wanted to enjoy the day; there were lots of cars on the road. I wondered where they were going.

As I filled up at the gas station, people were chatting with each other excitedly about the weather and how lovely the day was — strangers who had a chance meeting on their way to somewhere.

When I got back to the car, a family with three young children were waiting. The mother asked if her kids were allowed to meet Rosie. “Of course,” I said “she would love that.” The children giggled and Rosie wagged her tail and greeted the children with lots of enthusiasm. Rosie’s sole purpose in life is to enjoy herself.

Back on the road, I consulted with Rosie, and after a short discussion, we decided to stay away from the highways and see if there was an adventure to find on the back roads of Ontario. There is so much to see in the countryside. No big buildings and malls with box-stores filled with merchandise, but nature — lush, green nature. We saw two hawks and a few ravens. I even had to slow down for a racoon, who decided that the grass was greener on the other side of the road. There were cows and horses grazing, and farmhouses dotted the green landscape. I wondered about the people who lived in those houses. What do they do? How do they fill their days? Why had they chosen to live so far from the commotion of life in the city?

Rosie, sitting next to me, strapped into her doggy-seatbelt, was alert and enjoying the view. I think she actually had a grin on her face.

As we turned up the driveway at the breeder’s, the dogs were barking. A soft breeze blew through the rolled-down car windows.  I enjoyed the open space around me.

We had a wonderful visit. Rosie ran in the field and barked freely, as if to say, “This is great!”

On our way home we took a break and wandered through a park we didn’t know. A cool breeze came off a lake we did not recognize. All I knew for sure was that it wasn’t Lake Ontario.

Driving south, the farms grew scarcer while more malls, parking lots, and traffic appeared. The further away from the green fields I got and the closer to “civilization” I drew, the more I could feel the excitement of the big city, so opposite to the tranquility of the countryside.

Living in downtown Toronto is exciting, but I can now understand the charm of living in the quiet country. Being out there in the calm for a day and then coming back to the busy city was an experience in contrasts, but I can say that both are alluring in their own magical way.

Where are these photographs taken?

first photo May

2nd photo in May

Photos by Rodrigo Castro

Be the first to answer correctly at info@goodnewstoronto.ca or 416-661-2556 and win a wonderful prize. The answers will appear next month at this Column: Toronto  Places

Answer’s to last month’s Places in Toronto:
Last month’s photographs were taken (top) St.Clair West Subway Station and (bottom) Humber Bay Arch Bridge

Each month Guru Fatha Singh Khalsa offers insights and inspiration for our changing times.

There is a universal truth: Neither the young want to stay young forever, nor the elderly want to remain old. Children spend much of their time pretending to be grown up, dressing up and playing mom and dad, doctor and nurse, soldier and superhero. Ironically, some elders dress as though they were many years younger than their age. Some, through the atrophying of their old brains, actually digress to infantile thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.

“Ah, to be young again…” “To be carefree like children again….” say the adults wistfully watching children play.

To a young person, adults seem to have all the power, the authority, the knowledge they themselves would wish to have. But to an adult, young people have all the fun and none of the worries.

No doubt our culture plays a part in this strange looking-glass syndrome. Generally, young people are not taken seriously. Our governments do not poll them for their views on the environment, the economy, and issues of war and peace. Our corporations do not ask their opinions on plant closures, pricing, and general employment practices. Even our schools are run for the convenience of the teachers and parents, though adults would pretend otherwise.

Elders are often not taken terribly seriously either, unless they are super rich or situated in positions of commanding authority. Ours is largely an ornamental culture where the elderly are often neither seen nor heard. Packed away in homes, many are reduced to emotional numbness, fed a daily diet of mind-altering pharmaceuticals.

What is the good news in all this? Judges in divorce courts are beginning to give priority to the rights of children in their settlements. Thousands of people in various NGOs like Free the Children, UNICEF, and War Child are devoting their considerable energies to alleviating the conditions of the most vulnerable and most oppressed.

Some conscientious people are also talking about the condition of many of our elderly, especially the isolated, the institutionalized, and the infirm. Advocates like Peter and Ginger Breggin are questioning the wisdom of doping the inmates of retirement homes to make them more pliant and agreeable. Researcher Sherry Turkle is studying seniors homes in Japan where already cuddly robots are in place, serving as companions to the desolate aged.

My outlook has always been that your age is a state of mind more than anything else. That said, it really helps to retain your vigour and youthfulness with a daily regimen of great food, exercise, service of others, and meditation. Family and friends also play a vital part, as does a lively sense of humour.

Getting down on your knees to play with someone younger, now and again, is a good exercise too, and it also helps the child. It is great for them to see a big person with the humility to drop down to their level, if only for a few minutes. For the adult, the benefits of letting slip your facade of superiority and playing with a youngster are priceless and innumerable. For one thing, it is difficult to worry over much when you are lost in play with a three-year old.

I hope and teach and work for a day when people at both ends of the spectrum, young and old, are fully appreciated, listened to, and respected. Ultimately, respect begins within. We can only give others what we ourselves have. When real self-respect is lacking, how can we give it? How can we avoid the common disease of dehumanizing the elderly and the young, while we take shelter in middle-aged (18-64 years of age) illusions of power and eternal youthfulness?

Clearly, motivation is needed. Luckily, there are many motivators we can resort to: a profound disgust for the current situation; a restless drive to improve the lot of others; a protective love of the vulnerable; a fear of one day ourselves being stuck alone and unknown.

Whatever it takes, pick one. Then meditate, pray, and get going. Self-respect will come. Dignity comes in giving dignity to others.

A society is known by how it treats its most vulnerable citizens. Ours could do better. Let’s help make it so.

In this Q and A column, Communications Coach Vera Held explores with Good News Toronto readers important aspects of courage that surface in our personal and professional lives.

Q: I work in women’s retail; our clothing ranges in size from “petite” through to “plus.”  Yesterday, a customer asked if I was pregnant. I said, “No, I have a medical condition.”  She responded, “Well, then you’re fat.”  She said this in front of my staff and other customers. I said nothing. But rude customers are common.

A: I’m sorry this happened to you, and I commend you for seeing the situation exactly for what it is — her issue. By not taking her nosy, intrusive, inappropriate question and response personally, you left yourself free of upset to do your job and well. The hardest part for a good manager like you is indeed your loyal customers. Some plus-size customers could well have been privy to the dialogue and found it disconcerting. Atmosphere is critical to repeat business, so continue to focus on exemplary customer care and creating a positive, helpful, and friendly store environment. And never let a put-down artist get you down. You go, girl.

Q: I sit on a volunteer board. In year one, due to the Board President, the workflow doubled. He was insulting, combative, and each of his comments demanded a complicated defensive response, denial, or debunking. There were 2,200 emails my first year because of this president, whom we did succeed in ousting. In year two, I’m down to one daily email and 15 hours of work a month.

A: When volunteer boards go off the rails, they are brutal. The dictator personality that you describe requires skill and acumen to deal with. Bravo to you for uniting the team to take action and have the culprit properly ousted. It sounds like things are now going well from time, energy, and emotional standpoints. Volunteer commitments, as you’ve found out, require careful research. The more information you have in advance, the more informed your decision-making and planning can be. This in-advance research will also allow you to better balance your work/life priorities and commitments. I commend you for generously volunteering, leading the charge, and solving a major headache.

Q: For 15 years, I’ve provided a vital hairdressing service at a seniors’ facility. The organization has decided to outsource hairdressing, and as there is nowhere for me to transfer to, I will receive a package and leave. I’m 48, I’ve been in the same vocation since I was 16, and I don’t wish to return to school.

A: A good question to ask yourself is, “Do I enjoy working with seniors?” If the answer comes back “yes,” then you can look to continuing as a hairdresser at another senior’s residence. You might also like to consider working with seniors as a caretaker, recreationist, or activity coordinator. Some of these positions may require certification. A good career coach will be able to help you. This is a time of reflection and transition; look to your head, heart, and gut. In these three spots, you will find all the answers as to what is “right” for you. Best wishes.

In this monthly column, Paul Kralik endeavours to put a positive spin on personal finance by empowering readers with practical tips and “good news” from the financial world.

Paying yourself first

It’s perhaps the simplest financial planning concept, but also the most important one. Paying yourself first involves putting aside money as soon as you get paid. The presumption being, if you set aside savings right away, you have created a forced savings plan. Too often, people pay themselves last. And after paying bills or buying that new pair of jeans, there isn’t much left at the end of the paycheque.

If you’re like most people, on some intellectual level you recognize the value of saving. However, paying the mortgage or rent, car payments, credit card bills, groceries, or fixing the roof often takes priority over saving. I’m not advocating making savings a priority over paying the rent, but one must have a sense of how much money is coming in and how much is going out. This is called budgeting. The underlying assumption with paying yourself first is that you’ll have funds left over at the end of the month. If this isn’t the case, changes need to occur first. But the power of saving small amounts over time cannot be underestimated. The key is discipline.

I’ll be the first to admit that it’s easy to talk about making financial changes, but much more difficult to follow through. So I’ve developed some easy-to-implement strategies. Firstly, make your savings inaccessible. If you have easy access to the funds, you’re more likely to give in to temptation and use the money for something else. Setting up a separate savings account is ideal. Even better is to use a registered account, such as an RESP, RRSP, or tax-free savings account. The benefit of using a registered account is savings earn interest tax-free, and in the case of RESPs and RRSPs, the funds are difficult to access and heavily taxed if withdrawn, making it less tempting to take money out.

Secondly, be realistic in the amount that you plan to save. This is where a budget comes in handy. Knowing how much you need to make ends meet each month is critical. In analyzing your spending patterns, be sure to add a little extra to account for unforeseen emergencies (gifts, vacations, house repairs, etc.). Start small… it’s easier to increase the amount later if you find you consistently have excess savings even after paying yourself first.

Thirdly, paying yourself first should be something you don’t have to think about. To accomplish this, ask your bank to set up an automatic transfer from your paycheque to a separate savings account. We pay bills monthly; why shouldn’t we be as diligent with paying ourselves? Once an automatic transfer is in place you won’t have to think about paying yourself — it’ll just happen and you likely won’t even notice.

Lastly, many will struggle with where to get excess funds to direct to a forced savings plan. Most people at some point will get a pay raise. Unfortunately, the majority of us end up increasing our spending, too. A colleague of mine received several promotions in a short period of time, effectively tripling his salary. Somehow he has more debt now than when he was making one-third of his salary. Granted, he now has a cottage, boat, and new car, but he’s trapped by debt payments. When we get a raise, it’s the ideal time to save the raise and continue living the same lifestyle we did prior to it. We can all learn a thing or three from Warren Buffett, who has paid himself $100,000 per year for the last 30 years, despite being worth $44 billion!

In this monthly column, Etta Kaner shares some of her favourite children’s books written for a variety of ages.

Dear Readers,

The expression “Never judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes” is especially relevant when it comes to relationships between children and senior citizens. A stereotypical view taken by children of seniors is that they are frail, cranky, conservative technophobes who have nothing interesting to teach us. To counteract this misconception and perhaps kindle a relationship with a senior — related or not
— you might want to share some of the following books with your children.

Jeremiah Learns to Read by award-winning Canadian author Jo Ellen Bogart (published by North Winds Press) is a heartwarming story about relationships and a love of literacy. Jeremiah is an “old man” (according to his brother) who can build fences, tap maple trees, grow vegetables, track animals, and much more — but he can’t read. The book relates how Jeremiah fulfils his dream of learning to read and write, and in the process teaches his teacher and the children who are his classmates many life skills. The beautiful oil on canvas illustrations enhance the story and the reader’s ability to identify with the characters.

While Lots of Grandparents by Shelley Rotner and Sheila Kelly (published by The Millbrook Press Inc.) is a simple book for 4- to 7-year olds, it has a lot of material for discussion and making connections with children’s own life experiences. The colour photographs on each page present grandparents from a variety of ethnic groups participating in an assortment of activities. The patterned language (“Some grandparents go to work, some work at home; some move very slowly, some don’t”) sends a clear message that stereotypes about seniors don’t hold water. The unifying message at the end is that “all grandparents love their grandchildren.”

Grandpa Joe by Ruowen Wang (published by Kevin and Robin Books Ltd.) is a story about an eccentric senior and his young neighbour who by age 6 “had not spoken a word.” This lack-of-speech condition is a perfect foil for Grandpa Joe’s verboseness. Unlike all of the shop owners in the local plaza who want to hide from Joe’s daily visits and monologues, the young neighbour is an attentive listener. Tension builds when Joe has an accident, but all is resolved at the end of the story. This is another picture book that is a good springboard for discussion.

It is a pleasure to read a novel for 9- to 12-year olds that is set in Canada. A Walk Through a Window by Kc  Dyer (published by Doubleday Canada) is set in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island. Twelve-year-old Darby is sent from Toronto by her parents to spend the summer with her grandparents who haven’t seen her since she was a baby. As Darby gets to know her grandparents and has three historical adventures by stepping back in time through a stone window, she matures from a resentful, self-absorbed pre-teen to a thoughtful, inquisitive, and supportive person who forms a strong bond with her grandparents. By taking Darby and a mysterious friend back into history, author Dyer opens our eyes to the migration of the ancestors of the Inuit, the sufferings of Irish immigrants who travelled to Canada on aptly named “coffin” ships, and to immigrants who arrived in Charlottetown a few years after Confederation. At she learns about Canadian history, Darby makes discoveries about her own family. An unusual but useful feature of this book is a glossary that defines geographical and historical terms used in the gripping text. For those who enjoy this book, there is a sequel entitled Facing Fire, with Darby again as the main character.

In this monthly column, Jennifer Hicks shares ideas about living a balanced life through creativity.

I often wish I could get away. I long for the escape I get from exploring a new environment, learning about different cultures, and experiencing different ways of living. The trouble is that I don’t always have the time or the money to feed this globe-trotting desire. While I dream of adventures in faraway places, such vacations are rarely possible.

And yet, every couple of weeks my whole being craves the restful potential that being elsewhere offers.

Absent the actual ability to visit an exotic destination, I must rely on one thing: my imagination. I can use my imagination to take me on an energizing and restorative journey.

I once was told that our minds cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined. Isn’t that wild?  If that’s true, then I can re-create special experiences for myself when I need them. And I do that quite often, especially when I’m in the middle of stressful or unpleasant circumstances.

I’m really quite fortunate. I have had the opportunity to travel to many places in the world. While away somewhere, I have this habit of taking “mental snapshots.” Those are moments when I use all my senses to capture the experience and seal it deeply in my mind, ready to retrieve when I need a break from my daily responsibilities.

Just this morning, while I was in the shower, I put myself back under that waterfall that massaged my shoulders in Costa Rica. I let my mind hear the majestic sound of the warm water crashing all around me, I felt the sun warming my skin, and let my breath steady in a slow and rhythmic fashion. What a great way to start my day!

A crowded subway can take me back to the adventure of that Eastern European train ride, the music in the grocery store can remind me of visiting Mozart’s birthplace in Austria, and the piercing sound of cicadas gives me a chance to go back to the lush landscape of New Zealand.

Walking home after a long day, I often call on a memory of parasailing in India to bring me back to ease. While up in the air over the Indian Ocean that day, I made note of the smell of the sea in the wind, took in the beautiful colours of the water and sky, consciously felt the breeze against my skin and in my hair, tasted the salty air on my lips, and heard the motor of the boat and its contact with the waves. I then deliberately connected the experience of my senses to that deep sense of effortless calm I felt while flying through the air like a bird. If I see, hear, smell, taste, and feel that experience in my mind’s eye, my whole body relaxes into well-being.

I cherish my imagination as a way to create excitement and adventure throughout my day.

In elementary schools, spelling bees are not uncommon. They are a way for students to practice and improve their spelling skills in a fun and exciting way. Not only are spelling bees educational, they also provide children with the opportunity to build confidence while getting up on stage and spelling in front of their schoolmates.

Since spelling bees are such beneficial and fun events for students, it is upsetting to learn that not only have spelling bees stopped in some elementary school, but they also don’t continue throughout high school. Most people choose to do nothing about it, but one inspiring teen, Yang Chen, decided to take it upon himself to make a change.

In the summer of 2010, Yang wanted to come up with a way to contribute to his school community. Shocked to learn about the high adult-illiteracy rate, Yang became passionate about improving children’s literacy to solve the problem right at its root. He did some research and found the Spelling Bee of Canada, a charity that focuses specifically on children’s literacy. He met with Julie Spence, the founder of this organization, and set to work. In December 2010, the first high school spelling bee was held at Yang’s school, Marc Garneau Collegiate Institute.

Getting everything set in motion was not easy for Yang. A grade ten student himself, he was already juggling schoolwork, friends, and running the show choir; taking on running a spelling bee was no easy task! Despite all this, he found the time to form a committee to help organize the spelling bee with him, raise money, and hold and attend meetings with the principal.

After a successful school-wide spelling bee in 2010, Yang decided to take it a step further and hold a multi-high school spelling bee. Yang started to plan for this bigger event in the summer of 2011, putting his ideas into action in October. After months of organizing, sending out packages, and attending even more meetings, the Multi High School Spelling Bee held on March 28, 2012, was a success!

Despite his success and incredibly inspiring initiative, Yang is the same happy, modest 16-year old teen. “I just do what I love doing. I’ve never thought of myself as an inspirational figure.” He truly is passionate about his cause and is so thankful to his entire committee and everyone involved for their help. “I want to inspire youth to take action and make a change; the power of one can change so much. I’m so passionate about the task at hand, so whatever your passions are, use them to make a change and go for it.”

Those around him are proud supporters of his cause as well. Students, teachers, and eager participants all stand behind Yang. Ms.Ricky Goldenberg, Yang’s principal, says, “I’m very happy that Yang took on this initiative. I really believe that he, as a role model, has set the example for other students to make a difference to the community around them. I hope other students are inspired and follow his lead.”

From Yang there is a lot we can learn. However, the most important message we can take from him is that no matter how small you think a change is, it will always be significant. All it takes is one person to make it.

Action Items:

1. Support the Multi High School Spelling Bee: http://spellingbeeofcanada.ca/split

2. Find out about other initiatives to encourage literacy in your neighbourhood

3. Start a spelling bee in your own school and contact Sp.LIT at spell.lit@gmail.com to become an ambassador