GNT True Story Honourary Mention Winner
January 4, 2012
Congratulations to Vania Selvaggi, whose submission was one of the two honourary mention winners of Good News Toronto’s True Story Contest! It was to be a creative non-fiction personal essay about “An Encounter that Changed Your Life.”
Don’t
My mother has been dead for two months. I’m in the bathroom and my fingers squeeze the toothbrush handle as I scour the surface of my teeth. In the mirror, I try to imagine how my mother saw me at age three: foam around my lips, my eyes seeking her approval, the basin spotted with spit and blood. Ma had said, “Don’t press so hard. You’ll ruin your gums.” Now, at twenty-eight, I’m desperate to hear her voice again. I dare my dead mother to speak so I scrape the bristles over the pink skin in my mouth. But no voice comes, just more blood.
Normally I’d go back into the bedroom to dress for work, but today it’s the hospital. My uncle’s having an operation and my aunt is waiting for me.
She and I are not close. I view our past through memories tethered to rules. When I was nine and got stung by a wasp, my aunt said, “Don’t cry. Worse things can happen.” When I was twelve, she said, “Don’t act silly and when you speak, have something thoughtful to say.” There were many more rules, but as the distance between my aunt and I grew, they faded only to come back, boldly, when my mother was sick.
“Erica,” my aunt said to my mother, her sister. “Don’t take this cancer lying down. Get up and fight.”
Her words enraged me: my mother, swollen and yellow on the bed, dying at fifty-six, and my aunt saying what? Don’t.
I think about this as we hold hands in the waiting room. I try to make sense of this woman, because she is the closest thing I have left of my mother. When the doctor tells us the operation went well, and my uncle is in recovery, we link arms and walk the corridor.
A woman, about my age, approaches. She looks at my aunt, who pulls away from me. To this stranger, my aunt says, “Tell me?”
The girl sobs and my aunt holds her, listening to the story. The girl says her father had a cancerous lump removed. I want to run, but my aunt stands firm.
“Listen,” says my aunt. “Don’t lose faith. Don’t show your fear. Your father needs you to be tough, strong. Have courage.”
The girl stops crying and kisses my aunt’s cheek. Then she’s gone.
And only now do I see my aunt clearly. I envision the place where she writes don’t, over and over again. It’s not a cold place of control, but warm, filled with the intent to better, not just herself, but those around her. And for the first time, I appreciate the word don’t.
Illustration by Rosie Pea
Rosie Pea is currently attending OCAD University. She spends most of her time in a stew of paint and headphones, and the only thing that could match her love of music and movement is puppies. Oodles of puppies!
22 Responses to "GNT True Story Honourary Mention Winner"
Loved it. She’s painted a beautiful story. I felt present throughout the journey.
Thanks Eva! I’m so glad to have had you come on this journey with me.
you say so much with so few words which can only be done by a brilliant writer. Beautifully written and refreshingly honest…loved it
Thanks pat! The support here has been quite overwhelming and I’m so grateful that readers have taken the time to let me know they liked the pc.
It is so easy to see why this article received honorable mention in Good New Toronto’s True Story contest. When I first read the title I wasn’t sure how the word “don’t” was going to be spun into a positive piece of writing, but I was awarded with a kind sense of positivity once I saw how it all came together.
This is a beautiful piece of writing and I congratulation Vania on bringing me in and stirring my emotions.
Darryl
Darryl – Thanks so much for your support. it means so much to me to have inspired as sense of positivity within you.
You are very welcome, Vania. I am so looking forward to reading more from you.
It takes a great writer to evoke such emotion in such a short piece. It is rare that I read a story and have it at the forefront of my mind all day.
May your words dance across the lips and minds of thousands.
Ian – your consistent support of my efforts keeps me going on a daily basis. thanks!
“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me”. ~ 1 Corinthians 13. Through the eyes of a child it’s difficult to understand actions of adults, but most magnificent is when we understand all we ever witnessed was love.
Wonderfully written story, very touching. Thanks to my friend Ian for bringing this to my attention. I love enriching my life with eloquent stories from life. Bravo Vania and thank you for sharing…
My goodness – i want to say that your comments are better than the piece itself! Thank you so much for your thoughtful words, Joel.
Vania, you are too kind, I wish you nothing but the best and am excited to read more of your work.
Beautifully written, your words, they will stay with me for days. Thank you for sharing this, it’s got me thinking about my mother, my own aunts and especially my nephews.
With love, an often misunderstood aunt.
Thank you, Adena! I love that you identify with my aunt…tough place to rest and i say rest because while it took me a while to get my aunt, one tiny seemly inconsequential event, packed huge learning for me…
Vania, such a wonderfully written piece. You’ve painted great images and great use of dialogue.
And the beginning is so powerful.
‘Ma had said, “Don’t press so hard. You’ll ruin your gums.” Now, at twenty-eight, I’m desperate to hear her voice again. I dare my dead mother to speak so I scrape the bristles over the pink skin in my mouth. But no voice comes, just more blood.’
Wow.
Thanks for sharing. I’d love to read more of your work.
Sophie
Thanks so much for your kind words on the pc., Sophie! I have to say that I’m grateful to Good News for offering immerging writers the opportunity to get work out there.
It’s great to read encouraging comments like yours about reading more of my work as it inspires me to keep at it. thanks again!
Vania,
Beautifully written. I know this must have been very difficult for you ….
I look forward to all that is to come that I know is in you, and judging from the readers responses so are they….
Patrizia
Pat – I feel honoured that you read it and took the time to respond. Thank yoo so much for the support. Honestly – it means the world to me…
Beautiful story. Such a tender intimacy.
Thanks Ross! – I feel very honoured given your abiity in the craft!
Congratulations wee doll !! Im soooo PROUD xxxxxx
All the way from northern ireland…thank you for reading this! x.